Acting My Age

I turned 44 last month...44. That is a huge number.

I don't like getting old. I mean, I know I'm not "old" yet...my aging journey has just begun. But I have certainly made my reservations and I guess some might say I've even bought my ticket.

It's very humbling to get older - things hurt that didn't used to hurt; things droop that didn't used to droop. Rules change, your perspectives change. Mortality takes you by the shoulders and shakes you...it pretty much bites.

I don't agree with the "over 40" chicks who say things like "I've come into 'my own' since I've turned 40." Well, I kind of liked "my own" when it was 20 and looked like it was 20. My own at 44 doesn't look anything like it did 20 years ago. I hate my gray hair and I don't consider my wrinkles the "road map of my life" - if I could afford it, I'd drive my happy arse to Botox City every few months. "Road map of my life" indeed...whoever coined that phrase should be shot.

Another thing, when you get older, you sort of have to grow up and stop being so "me" all the time. While I don't think I'm self-centered, I do sort of live in a little fantasy world called "Kim's Universe." Being selfish and self-centered is cute when you are 25 and hot. When you're 44 and supposed to be raising two responsible children, it's not so attractive. I've had to get up and over myself a lot this year - had a major falling out with one of my gal pals, my parents have been ill, my children are changing and needing me less and less, I've lost several good friends to cancer. It seems the very things by which I've defined myself for many years are shifting and changing; therefore, I have had to change, too.

It's not been fun. And I can't imagine it's going to get any "funner," either.

I think I'm going to myself a T-shirt...it's going to say "As Mature As I'm Going To Get." And it will be purple...

It's been a year...

Almost to the day since I last blogged. Shame on me. Wow - have things changed!

In the past 12 months I've lost a dear friend (Jerry), cheered Thing 1 through his freshman basketball season, joined a gym and started working out, become a Facebook junkie, cheered Thing 2 through a baseball season (complete with another All Star season and yet another trip to the World Series in Mississippi), lost a neighbor to cancer (Mr. Garry) and I've survived Thing 1 obtaining his driver's license.

It's been a big year for me.

Other things have happened, too. But those are the highlights.

I've got to be more faithful to this blog. That's my not-so-new year's resolution.