Love...Third Grade Style

I’m in my very early mid-40s (is there really such an age? Ha! There is now! LOL) and I’ve been with my husband for over 20 years. So to say I have forgotten the innocent nuances of love at first sight is an understatement. Aside from a pair of earrings I spotted at Ghirardelli Square in San Francisco last February, I haven’t experienced love at first sight in two decades. Not to insinuate that I fell in love my husband at first sight…technically, I had known him for six or seven years before I fell in love with him. So I guess you could say it took about 143 sightings of him before my heart went a-flutter. But I digress.

Back to love at first sight.

Thing 2 has always been the Don Juan of our family (or Don Wannabe – that’s what my hubby calls him). That child has been girl crazy from the time he realized there were major differences between the sexes. At any given time you can ask him “How many girlfriends do you have?” and he’ll say “A bunch.” His first sweetheart was Anne Marie, then came Caitlyn, then came Meredith, then came Micah, then came (and stayed) Meredith again. She has been the most enduring, lasting a whole year! That is, until Thing 2 started third grade this year.

Here was our conversation last week.

Thing 2: Mom, I think I found me a pretty girl.
Mom (fighting back shock and dismay at the thought of losing dear, sweet Meredith as a potential daughter-in-law 20 years from now): Really?
Thing 2: Yep. But she’s in 4th grade. I guess I’m into older women now.
Mom (now stifling a giggle): Hmmm. Well, 4th grade isn’t that much older than 3rd grade. You’re probably the same age, number-wise. What’s her name?
Thing 2: I have no idea.
Mom (now totally confused): Why don’t you know her name?
Thing 2: I just don’t.
Mom (fully intrigued): Haven’t you asked her name?
Thing 2: Nope. I haven't even talked to her yet.
Mom: Ahhh…well…how do you know you like her?
Thing 2: I just do, that’s all.

If love were only so simple, right? Well, I really didn’t know what to say so I went about preparing supper. I thought the conversation was over until suddenly it wasn’t.

Thing 2: So, Mom, what do you think I should do? Should I write her like a secret admirer note or buy her something or what?
Mom (picking myself up from the floor knowing full well this sweet child of mine can’t even SPELL secret admirer correctly): Um, I’m not really sure, dear. What do you think you should do?
Thing 2: I’m not sure. That’s why I’m asking you. What did dad do when he started thinking you were pretty?

Oh, boy…I wasn’t even going to head down that path. I want my sons to take after my husband in a lot of ways. My husband is a hard worker, he’s honest, he’s fair, he’s mild-mannered, he’s detail-oriented, he’s incredibly handy to have around the house. But when it comes to romance…well, let’s just say the boys might want to work that one out on their own - take a night course - read some articles - do research online - ask their Uncle Joe...anything but seek their dad's advice.

When we "courted," it took him a month to work up enough nerve to kiss me goodnight. And then, when he finally did, it was because I stomped my foot and ordered him to do so. He complied, then proceeded to stumble backwards off my porch steps. Not exactly a cinematic moment. But I kept him so there must have been some sparks.

I was spared anymore "advice for the lovelorn" sessions by Thing 2 when he arrived home the next day to announce that he and Meredith were boyfriend and girlfriend again. I said, "How do you know you are boyfriend and girlfriend again?" He said, "Because she told me we were - she said 'do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?' and I said 'sure' and she said, 'okay, we are.'" (These kids are smooth operators, I tell you). So I asked, "What about your older woman?" He said, "She can wait. Besides, I didn't even know her name. You can't have a girlfriend if you don't know her name."

True that, my son, true that.